Renew My Faith

I needed to buy some new pants so I headed down to the local Wal-Mart. After skipping the isles of jeans I found some pants called Carpenter Work Pants. The price was around $18. I looked to the right and saw the exact same pair of pants for $20. The only difference was the item on the right had a simple logo and the name Jesse James Carpenter Work Pants. I know you pay more for logo’s but the exact same item for $2 more just because it had a damn logo on it? You would never notice the difference at all unless you pointed it out to people. Though the good thing is I dropped a few pants sizes. Go Me.

Mom wanted to go to few more places so we traveled to Peebles. I noticed some cool looking pants and was like wow I might buy these. Well I was saying that until I saw the price tag of $40. I’m not into labels so I just kept on trucking. Before I noticed mom was off and away looking at purses and some little baskets. I had to jog just to keep up with her and when I caught her she was like you are buying me these and headed to the counter. I asked if I had a choice and she laughed and said good one. So apparently I bought mom some baskets.

I bought some groceries and had a good lunch but I think I had a good day even though I hate spending money. We went to a few other stores then went home.

I was talking to my 11-year-old nephew the other day about what he wanted to be when he grew up. He told me he wanted to join the military. I am a curious person and I ask why a lot. So, I asked him why he wished to join the military. He told me he wanted to go to Iraq. Again I asked why. What he said next not only surprised me but gave me a fright. He said, “I want to kill Iraqis”.

I was set back by what he said and promptly asked him why would he want to do that. Again, what he said scared me. “They are different then us”. I kept thinking to myself what the hell is my sister and her boyfriend teaching him. I told him that first the military is to defend our nation and our citizen. Not to attack or kill unprovoked. He repeated “but they are different then us”. I sighed and told him that just because someone is different or a nation is different that it does not mean we have the right or the authority to attack/kill. I then stated that to everyone else we are different.

I then told him that there are some nations in this world that there are children soldiers. That these kids fight and kill to defend their family, their homes and their very own lives. He only said “Cooooooool”. I just sighed and dropped it knowing he won’t understand. During this whole conversation he kept repeating old false propaganda. The whole they started they war, Al Qaeda, weapons of mass destruction. Each time I refuted what he said he just shrugged.

My nephew identifies himself as a Christian the same as his mother and her boyfriend. Indoctrination has this boy’s head full of its ok to kill others because they are different or because there is a moral right to it. I have no clue what they are teaching my nephew but I really hope that when he get’s older that he will let logic, reason, rationality weigh more then some false promises by religious brainwashing.

I have been thinking of going back to college. Not sure how I will be able to afford any of this. I can not even find a part time job.

So I have been looking at what I would like to study or do. I have always like history so maybe become a history major. On the other hand I could study anthropology. I find many subjects interesting but hopefully I can just get through college without any trouble. I was going to go to college for computers but even though I am always on the computer I want something more fulfilling inside.

I had this post in my draft section. I guess I forgot to post it but August 1st was my birthday. I have turned 27-years-old. Even after all these years I still on a daily bases question life’s meaning. I personally feel that you make up your own meaning even if it is just sitting on the couch watching tv eating cheetos. That is not an ambitious purpose of life but its a life. That is not my life but I do my best to do what I enjoy while looking for work.

Few days ago I rolled my ankle while I was jogging. I am a heavy set man and I have been trying to lose weight. I am very lazy so doing this is pushing myself further then I have gone. I have lost several pants sizes and now have to wear a belt because I can not afford new cloths. I even had to fix one pair of pants cause if I threw them away I would of only been left with 2 pair of pants. Yes, I only have 3 pair’s of pants. My ankle did heal even though it is still stiff winces when I move it left or right. I will get back on the horse and jog later tonight.

Peace out and I need some new cloths that look decent I use to only wear jeans but I have been leaning more towards cargo pants. Mostly black because it matches the rest of my cloths. Yay for cargo’s.

I am still looking for a job. I will be putting in two applications tomorrow. One place, a hotel, I have already put in several applications. Have not heard a single call back and I have no clue why I let my mother talk me into putting a stupid application in a place that will not hire me. I am also being forced to put a job application at a nurse homing. They are not even hiring so to me this is just a huge waste of my time I can spend actually doing something useful, like watching grass grow.

I never really had a job. Now days you need work experience to get a job and to get a job you need work experience. Its a huge waste of time. With the economy how it is. You have many over qualified people applying for jobs they would never look at before. Most summer time temp jobs went to teenagers. Life Guards at pools, cutting grass and the typical burger joint. Now days people who are pulling 30 are applying for these jobs. Not just spending money but to feed their family. I am not in a bind where I need money but I do need a job for not just the experience, pushing my social construct further. One day I will have to be out on my own and I will not know what to do.

I hope I get a job but I have been trying for years. Even with me fighting my social anxiety and my fear of doing new things. Just so hard sometimes.